What is trauma & how does it impact us?

When an experience feels overwhelming, unsafe, or too much to handle, it can override our ability to cope. When these experiences are not fully processed, our brain stays on alert. This means our nervous system stays ready for danger, even if we aren’t experiencing a threat in the present. It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened, trauma doesn’t live in the past. It can impact how we show up in relationships today.

Trauma & how it shows up in relationships

In relationships, old pain can get triggered by every day hurts, misunderstandings, or disconnection — and your reactions are often your nervous system’s way of trying to protect you. What looks like “overreacting” or “pulling away” isn’t random; it’s your body doing the best it can with the information it has.

Here’s a few ways trauma, hurt, and loss can show up in your relationship:

• Shutting down or emotional withdrawal in response to vulnerability or feeling unsafe

• Over-explaining or over-defending to avoid feeling blamed or attacked

• Feeling disconnected from yourself and the people around you (dissociation)

• Perceiving disconnection or conflict as danger causing a fight/flight/freeze/submit response

• Easily overwhelmed with emotion

• Intense fear of abandonment or rejection

• Struggling to trust, need, or depend on your partner

• Shame (“I’m not good enough,” “I’m bad,” “I’m not safe,” “I’m out of control,” “I’m a failure.”)

• People-pleasing / partner-pleasing

• co-dependent behaviors (disowning your own needs to tend to others)

• Perfectionism

• Numb/ disconnected from emotions

Healing can happen.

My Therapeutic Approach: I work from an evidence-based couples therapy approach called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT/EFCT). With my advanced training in EFT, training in EMDR, and IFS-informed lens, you can show up exactly as you are right now. We’ll focus on creating regulation and safety in your relationship.

Trauma-informed couples therapy offers a safe space to understand how painful experiences, betrayal, and loss effect the way you connect, communicate, and respond to one another. Together, we’ll gently explore patterns shaped by the past, build trust, and create new ways of relating that foster security, closeness, and healing. This approach honors each partner’s story while helping you move forward with compassion and resilience.